The Meaning
This illustration was done around a time when I felt very alone in a very dry and isolated place.
Accepting God’s Reality
As I open my mouth to receive God’s “dose of reality” which indicates I reluctantly allow Him to confront the broken relationships and my distorted state of reality and self.
Wounded Heart
Eventually, I hope to let go of my wounded heart from the past. There is an eye on my heart that is crying black tears because of the lost childhood in the dark and wicked places I’ve been.
Cloud of Death
The bats symbolize all the dark and evil experiences I’ve had that I have no choice but to endure and ended up with a torn up heart that has not healed yet. If you look closely, the bat at top center, has a piece of my heart in his mouth. This represents being intentionally hurt by my parents as a child. The bat to the right is dropping a skull and bones to denote the reality of the spiritual death I experienced through horrible relationships that never got reconciled.
Lost Time
There is a broken clock hung around a cow skull that shows all the time I have lost in my past from unwanted broken relationships that started way back in childhood and went right into adulthood.
Desert Rose
The desert rose that comes up out of the sand to express a new life which blooms out of me was inspired by a U2 song I heard at the time called “In God’s Country.” The lyrics are, “Desert rose, dreamed I saw a desert rose.”
I was studying the works of Salvador Dali around this time as I was very inspired by him in this piece. The skull, clock, and desert background demonstrate this quite clearly, I think.
The Process
This was one of two paintings that I have ever done on wood board. The other is “Turn on the Heat Fundraiser Illustration.”
First, I had to sand the board down and prime it and then I began to sketch out my face and body, God’s hand, the cactus, skull, heart, and bats.
Desert
The desert background was difficult for me to render because I just started using oil paints. The wood medium was different than what I was used to because it did not absorb paint like I thought it would.